Thursday, August 16, 2007
Wake me up. When August ends.
By MJB
Baseball. Baseball. Baseball. Yankees pull within four. Back to five. Yawn. Fart.
These are the dog days of Summer my friends...and I would literally pay Mike Vick half of my current checking account ($1.15) to electrocute said dogs.
Seriously folks, I can't remember being more bored with sports at any point within the past 10 years.
Thankfully, the Celtics saved the early part of our Summer with juicy gossip columns throughout the internet community on the Raymond Allen trade, KG trade and rumoured Reggie Miller aquisition (I've learned from various wrestling website's that it's more sleazy and fun when you spell "rumored" like "rumoured").
But right now? Things are simply painful.
Maybe it's the fact that I live 3,000 miles away from the aforementioned pennant race, but it just doesn't have that juice right now.
Once that familiar Fall aroma stirrs the air, I'm sure all that will change and things will go back to normal. For baseball becomes artful when the leaves change color.
But for now, it's come down to simply watching Baseball Tonight every night. And for no good reason.
Karl Ravech tells me Prince Fielder "went yard."
John Kruk tells me that he actually wasn't that good of a player and that he only has a job on ESPN because he was slightly obese and once turned his helmet backwards against Randy Johnson in the All-Star Game.
Random black guy Du Jour that's trying way too hard to be Harold Reynolds tells us that the Yankees are getting hot and that "Red Sox Nation" (is there a more over-used phrase in sports right now?) should begin to get worried.
Well as a non-card carrying member of "Red Sox Nation," I'm not worried. But I almost wish I was.
At this point, it's simply counting down the days until the Pats meet the Jets in the Meadowlands on Sept. 9.
So as I sit here, drinking a poorly-made Margarita, remember, life isn't all about sports.
It's about sex, drugs, rock-and-roll and watching YouTube video's of Reggie Miller at 3 a.m..
Enjoy the rest of your summer.
Here's a terrific clip from our friends at TNT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzpzbjYqe9M
By MJB
Baseball. Baseball. Baseball. Yankees pull within four. Back to five. Yawn. Fart.
These are the dog days of Summer my friends...and I would literally pay Mike Vick half of my current checking account ($1.15) to electrocute said dogs.
Seriously folks, I can't remember being more bored with sports at any point within the past 10 years.
Thankfully, the Celtics saved the early part of our Summer with juicy gossip columns throughout the internet community on the Raymond Allen trade, KG trade and rumoured Reggie Miller aquisition (I've learned from various wrestling website's that it's more sleazy and fun when you spell "rumored" like "rumoured").
But right now? Things are simply painful.
Maybe it's the fact that I live 3,000 miles away from the aforementioned pennant race, but it just doesn't have that juice right now.
Once that familiar Fall aroma stirrs the air, I'm sure all that will change and things will go back to normal. For baseball becomes artful when the leaves change color.
But for now, it's come down to simply watching Baseball Tonight every night. And for no good reason.
Karl Ravech tells me Prince Fielder "went yard."
John Kruk tells me that he actually wasn't that good of a player and that he only has a job on ESPN because he was slightly obese and once turned his helmet backwards against Randy Johnson in the All-Star Game.
Random black guy Du Jour that's trying way too hard to be Harold Reynolds tells us that the Yankees are getting hot and that "Red Sox Nation" (is there a more over-used phrase in sports right now?) should begin to get worried.
Well as a non-card carrying member of "Red Sox Nation," I'm not worried. But I almost wish I was.
At this point, it's simply counting down the days until the Pats meet the Jets in the Meadowlands on Sept. 9.
So as I sit here, drinking a poorly-made Margarita, remember, life isn't all about sports.
It's about sex, drugs, rock-and-roll and watching YouTube video's of Reggie Miller at 3 a.m..
Enjoy the rest of your summer.
Here's a terrific clip from our friends at TNT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzpzbjYqe9M
Monday, July 30, 2007
The Guys in Green, Back in the limelight
By SG2.0
" The circle's gonna come back around. The sun always shines...it's just that sometimes there's some clouds." - Kevin Garnett
There was indeed something poetic about what happened on July 31, 2007. Without notice, the Boston Celtics were back on top of the NBA world.
Sure there were those that disagreed with the deal, which could prove to be the most influencial deal this franchise has undertaken since they swindled the Warriors for (ironically) Kevin McHale and Robert Parish in 1980. And when I first saw it, I was less-than-enthused about departing with Al Jefferson.
But then I remembered the pain. It was the pain that I and thousands of Celics fans felt on May 22, 2007, when those dreaded ping-pong balls bounced the wrong way. For the Celtics fan under 30 years old, that was it.
No Len Bias. No Tim Duncan. No Kevin Durant. No Greg Oden.
We were robbed of yet another opportunity to see the once proud franchise, the franchise that once owned the Boston sports scene, long before we can remember, become a player again.
It would take one hell of an off-season to ease the pain.
Now, we're in the midst of August and Colin Friggin' Cowherd is talking about the Celtics (I use friggin' in the sense that he is an ego-maniacal, self-promoting d-bag, that resembles what Jim Brewer would look like if he was still using the "Goat Boy" moniker).
Sadly, it's the only sports radio program I can get in San Diego that doesn't involve people calling up and saying things like, "Hey! Isn't Shawne Merriman the man?!"
Prior to the 2007 NBA Draft, Goat Boy Cowherd was calling Danny Ainge the biggest fool in the NBA. Granted just about everyone else was, but Cowherd was just ripping Ainge, the Celtics and Celtics fans for just whining about not getting the ping-pong balls to bounce their way and still complaining about the deaths of Reggie Lewis and Len Bias.
Fine.
Then comes along the Ray Allen trade. Cowherd rips it and says Ainge is just doing it out of desperation and that he should just quit immediately. He claims they are stuck between a rock and a hard place and they'll be mired in mediocrity for the next 10 years.
Fine.
Then comes the Kevin Garnett trade. People get exited. "Hey, the Celtics might be back!" people are saying. Cowherd rains on the parade. Says Ainge is just doing it to sell tickets and that he just saved his job until the next screw up. Says Celtics fans are dillusional if they think they stand a chance against the likes of big bad LeBron and his cast of Craig Ehlo's.
This is approximately the time that I truly got excited.
All those Celtic-haters, much like Celtic backers, are coming out of the wood-work. The media members that grew up Lakers fans and Sixers fans, who had not had a chance to trash on the franchise that once kicked their team's teeth in for years, had their chance once again.
Goat Boy Cowherd and "Did I mention I grew up in New York?!!!" Steven A. Smith, who praised the moves of buddy Isiah Thomas (Isiah Thomas!) for the past few years while all but branding Danny Ainge the anti-christ, were giddy about the chance to rip the Celtics on a national forum.
The difference this time around, however, is that people are listening when it comes to Celtic praising and ripping alike.
The Celtics are once again a polarizing organization.
And that, my friends, is a great thing.
Questions/Comments??? Email: SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com
By SG2.0
" The circle's gonna come back around. The sun always shines...it's just that sometimes there's some clouds." - Kevin Garnett
There was indeed something poetic about what happened on July 31, 2007. Without notice, the Boston Celtics were back on top of the NBA world.
Sure there were those that disagreed with the deal, which could prove to be the most influencial deal this franchise has undertaken since they swindled the Warriors for (ironically) Kevin McHale and Robert Parish in 1980. And when I first saw it, I was less-than-enthused about departing with Al Jefferson.
But then I remembered the pain. It was the pain that I and thousands of Celics fans felt on May 22, 2007, when those dreaded ping-pong balls bounced the wrong way. For the Celtics fan under 30 years old, that was it.
No Len Bias. No Tim Duncan. No Kevin Durant. No Greg Oden.
We were robbed of yet another opportunity to see the once proud franchise, the franchise that once owned the Boston sports scene, long before we can remember, become a player again.
It would take one hell of an off-season to ease the pain.
Now, we're in the midst of August and Colin Friggin' Cowherd is talking about the Celtics (I use friggin' in the sense that he is an ego-maniacal, self-promoting d-bag, that resembles what Jim Brewer would look like if he was still using the "Goat Boy" moniker).
Sadly, it's the only sports radio program I can get in San Diego that doesn't involve people calling up and saying things like, "Hey! Isn't Shawne Merriman the man?!"
Prior to the 2007 NBA Draft, Goat Boy Cowherd was calling Danny Ainge the biggest fool in the NBA. Granted just about everyone else was, but Cowherd was just ripping Ainge, the Celtics and Celtics fans for just whining about not getting the ping-pong balls to bounce their way and still complaining about the deaths of Reggie Lewis and Len Bias.
Fine.
Then comes along the Ray Allen trade. Cowherd rips it and says Ainge is just doing it out of desperation and that he should just quit immediately. He claims they are stuck between a rock and a hard place and they'll be mired in mediocrity for the next 10 years.
Fine.
Then comes the Kevin Garnett trade. People get exited. "Hey, the Celtics might be back!" people are saying. Cowherd rains on the parade. Says Ainge is just doing it to sell tickets and that he just saved his job until the next screw up. Says Celtics fans are dillusional if they think they stand a chance against the likes of big bad LeBron and his cast of Craig Ehlo's.
This is approximately the time that I truly got excited.
All those Celtic-haters, much like Celtic backers, are coming out of the wood-work. The media members that grew up Lakers fans and Sixers fans, who had not had a chance to trash on the franchise that once kicked their team's teeth in for years, had their chance once again.
Goat Boy Cowherd and "Did I mention I grew up in New York?!!!" Steven A. Smith, who praised the moves of buddy Isiah Thomas (Isiah Thomas!) for the past few years while all but branding Danny Ainge the anti-christ, were giddy about the chance to rip the Celtics on a national forum.
The difference this time around, however, is that people are listening when it comes to Celtic praising and ripping alike.
The Celtics are once again a polarizing organization.
And that, my friends, is a great thing.
Questions/Comments??? Email: SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Just win, Maybe
Sure Ray Allen’s ankles are more fragile than the leg lamp in “A Christmas Story.” But when, in the past 20 years, has this franchise inherited a guy that scored 26.4 points per game the previous season?
When have they, in that period, had a guy that could shoot a basketball like this?
Danny Ainge’s plan from Day 1 was to acquire as many “chips” as possible in an attempt to get a legitimate All-Star.
He finally did that on Draft Day 2007.
His plan from Day 1 was also to have the Celtics not bow out in the semi-finals each year (like they did in 2003 when he took over) and instead be a team that would make at least two trips to the NBA Finals.
He certainly hasn’t assembled a team that can do that…yet.
Paul Pierce’s much-heralded “window” will be closing for good in about three years. They obviously made the decision to try and win now when they acquired Senor Shuttlesworth, so why not go for it all right now?
I propose two routes in which the Baby Faced Assassin should go about doing this:
1. Trade Theo Ratliffe’s contract, Gerald Green and next year’s No. 1 pick to Indiana in exchange for Jermaine O’Neal.
- This is the route I think all Celtics fans would prefer, considering Al Jefferson would be here to stay and would provide Boston with one devastating front court. The future franchise star would remain, all while giving the Celtics a chance to blow through a horrid Eastern Conference the next few years. Would this ultimately result in the C’s beating a team from the West and winning a championship? Probably not, barring Al Jefferson becoming even better than we all foresee and Rajon Rondo becoming a top-flight point guard.
However, it would keep Jefferson around for when the Celtics transition away from the Pierce era.
2. Trade Al Jefferson and Theo Ratliffe’s contract in exchange for Kevin Garnett.
- Is it a short-sighted move? Without question. But it would give the Celtics their best shot at banner No. 17 since 1987. They could definitely compete against any team from the West with Pierce, Allen and Garnett on the floor at the same time. Is it a guarantee? No way. But nothing is guaranteed. It’s not guaranteed that Jefferson’s 2006-07 output was a sign that he will be an All-Star player for the next 12 years. At the end of the day, he was the best player on a 24-win team. This is not the NFL, where smart teams like the Patriots can keep plugging in parts at free will and maintaining dominance for a 10-year period. The NBA is all about maximizing supposed “windows.” What’s going to happen when Duncan’s window closes? I guarantee the Spurs won’t look as smart as they do today. Most franchises don’t have the fortune of landing a once-in-a-lifetime player. That window closed for the Celtics on 5/22.
Either way, the Celtics can’t just stand pat and keep treading their wheels. I also believe, there’s really no scenario that they can or should keep both Jefferson and Gerald Green. One of them has to go.
Right now it looks as though, Jefferson is the guy to keep. But who’s to say Gerald won’t make a “Jefferson-like” leap as well?
Interesting times are to follow.
But here’s a prediction: Two years from now, Danny Ainge will be regarded as one of the top executives in the game.
And no, I’m not high.
E-Mail your thoughts and comments to: SG2.0@hotmail.com
Sure Ray Allen’s ankles are more fragile than the leg lamp in “A Christmas Story.” But when, in the past 20 years, has this franchise inherited a guy that scored 26.4 points per game the previous season?
When have they, in that period, had a guy that could shoot a basketball like this?
Danny Ainge’s plan from Day 1 was to acquire as many “chips” as possible in an attempt to get a legitimate All-Star.
He finally did that on Draft Day 2007.
His plan from Day 1 was also to have the Celtics not bow out in the semi-finals each year (like they did in 2003 when he took over) and instead be a team that would make at least two trips to the NBA Finals.
He certainly hasn’t assembled a team that can do that…yet.
Paul Pierce’s much-heralded “window” will be closing for good in about three years. They obviously made the decision to try and win now when they acquired Senor Shuttlesworth, so why not go for it all right now?
I propose two routes in which the Baby Faced Assassin should go about doing this:
1. Trade Theo Ratliffe’s contract, Gerald Green and next year’s No. 1 pick to Indiana in exchange for Jermaine O’Neal.
- This is the route I think all Celtics fans would prefer, considering Al Jefferson would be here to stay and would provide Boston with one devastating front court. The future franchise star would remain, all while giving the Celtics a chance to blow through a horrid Eastern Conference the next few years. Would this ultimately result in the C’s beating a team from the West and winning a championship? Probably not, barring Al Jefferson becoming even better than we all foresee and Rajon Rondo becoming a top-flight point guard.
However, it would keep Jefferson around for when the Celtics transition away from the Pierce era.
2. Trade Al Jefferson and Theo Ratliffe’s contract in exchange for Kevin Garnett.
- Is it a short-sighted move? Without question. But it would give the Celtics their best shot at banner No. 17 since 1987. They could definitely compete against any team from the West with Pierce, Allen and Garnett on the floor at the same time. Is it a guarantee? No way. But nothing is guaranteed. It’s not guaranteed that Jefferson’s 2006-07 output was a sign that he will be an All-Star player for the next 12 years. At the end of the day, he was the best player on a 24-win team. This is not the NFL, where smart teams like the Patriots can keep plugging in parts at free will and maintaining dominance for a 10-year period. The NBA is all about maximizing supposed “windows.” What’s going to happen when Duncan’s window closes? I guarantee the Spurs won’t look as smart as they do today. Most franchises don’t have the fortune of landing a once-in-a-lifetime player. That window closed for the Celtics on 5/22.
Either way, the Celtics can’t just stand pat and keep treading their wheels. I also believe, there’s really no scenario that they can or should keep both Jefferson and Gerald Green. One of them has to go.
Right now it looks as though, Jefferson is the guy to keep. But who’s to say Gerald won’t make a “Jefferson-like” leap as well?
Interesting times are to follow.
But here’s a prediction: Two years from now, Danny Ainge will be regarded as one of the top executives in the game.
And no, I’m not high.
E-Mail your thoughts and comments to: SG2.0@hotmail.com
Thursday, June 14, 2007
A “Bevy” of things
Today was a bevy good day. And by bevy, I mean I just like saying the word, “bevy.” So with a bevy of things going on, I took it upon myself to cover some bevy interesting topics.
Enjoy.
Bevy.
After over 100 straight hours of pondering just what the hell I witnessed on the Sopranos series finale on Sunday night, I am now willing to say that I’m really not that upset. I thought I’d never find myself siding with some egomaniacal, artsy-fartsy d-bag like David Chase, but I am.
You see, many people my age believe “Scarface” is the greatest film of all time for one of two reasons:
1. They saw some illiterate rapper talk about how it’s his favorite movie of all-time on MTV Cribs or
2. They saw some illiterate rapper talk about how it’s his favorite movie of all-time on MTV Cribs and then said to themselves ‘hey I can make it big now as a DJ/rapper/dancer/wigger/drug-dealer, if I can just act like Tony Montana.
And do you want to know the people that truly suffer out of all this? People like me.
People like me, who actually enjoyed the movie “Scarface” the first time they saw it until it became so overrated and all-of-the-sudden used as some sort of pseudo-motivation tool for kids that dropped out of high school and/or knocked up their girlfriend when they were 17.
But getting back to defending the Soprano’s finale and David Chase.
Our minds are so used to things ending in the predictable “Scarface” ending. Everyone wanted and thought there would be a blood bath, including myself.
But the Soprano’s was never about that sort of thing.
It was always intellect before violence and that’s what made it so great to begin with.
Sure I love watching things blow up and I loved watching Phil Leotardo get his head run over by an SUV as much as the next guy.
However, I loved the Sopranos for the million different directions that the show got your mind going towards.
When “Don’t Stop Believing” started playing I was absolutely shocked. I was convinced that the show had truly sold out.
You see, “Don’t Stop Believing” is like “Scarface.”
When I was in college, “Don’t Stop Believing” was enjoying an underground renaissance. It was a forgotten ballad that was once mildly popular but was once again discovered and someone said, “Hey, ya know what? This piece of sh** really isn’t that bad!”
Truth be told, I was on one hell of a Journey kick while I was in college. And I couldn’t be prouder of that fact.
But then I began to realize that everyone around me was on that same kick. And if everybody is drinking the Kool-Aid, well…then the Kool-Aid doesn’t taste as good as it once did now does it?
As outlined in a 2005 Family Guy episode (another great show that’s become too popular for its own good), everybody loves Journey and you don’t really have a pulse if you don’t.
However, “Don’t Stop Believing” is now as pedestrian a song as there is. And to end the greatest show of all time with “Don’t Stop Believing” would imply that the generic Hollywood/Scarface ending was coming.
Only, it didn’t.
David Chase didn’t give us the ending everyone wanted and he didn’t give our ADD society the “closure” it wanted.
When David Chase “blacked-out” the Sopranos, he ultimately took a sh** on mainstream America.
And today, for me anyways, that sh** smells like roses.
Even if he is an egomaniacal, artsy-fartsy d-bag.
........
I would also like to declare that I am still not in full baseball mode quite yet. With my first full “summer” in San Diego now here, I can’t really tell when to start caring about baseball. I mean, it’s been relatively warm for a while now (well, since I moved here) and “NBA basketball” is still being played (by the time you read this, 'The Finals' should mercifully be over with).
With the Yankees being lifeless for the first third of the season, I could have cared less when the Red Sox won or lost.
“It’s too early either way,” I would say way back in May.
But now maybe I’m feeling a bit nostalgic from my days of being a miserable Red Sox fan in 2004 B.C. (Before Championship).
The smelling salt I needed was for the Red Sox to start actually LOSING again. Now, as coincidence would have it, I’m pretty exited for Barry Bonds first Fenway at-bat this Friday night.
Will it be as entertaining as the Fenway faithful donning the infamous “blond masks?” Most likely not.
But the thought of some drunk in the stands pulling down his pants on national TV, only to reveal a giant syringe sticking out of his ass, could be just what the doctor ordered.
Bonds in Boston should be, as a young and high Drew Barrymore would say, “magical.”
Comment on this article or find your question in the next mailbag by E-Mailing: SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com
Today was a bevy good day. And by bevy, I mean I just like saying the word, “bevy.” So with a bevy of things going on, I took it upon myself to cover some bevy interesting topics.
Enjoy.
Bevy.
After over 100 straight hours of pondering just what the hell I witnessed on the Sopranos series finale on Sunday night, I am now willing to say that I’m really not that upset. I thought I’d never find myself siding with some egomaniacal, artsy-fartsy d-bag like David Chase, but I am.
You see, many people my age believe “Scarface” is the greatest film of all time for one of two reasons:
1. They saw some illiterate rapper talk about how it’s his favorite movie of all-time on MTV Cribs or
2. They saw some illiterate rapper talk about how it’s his favorite movie of all-time on MTV Cribs and then said to themselves ‘hey I can make it big now as a DJ/rapper/dancer/wigger/drug-dealer, if I can just act like Tony Montana.
And do you want to know the people that truly suffer out of all this? People like me.
People like me, who actually enjoyed the movie “Scarface” the first time they saw it until it became so overrated and all-of-the-sudden used as some sort of pseudo-motivation tool for kids that dropped out of high school and/or knocked up their girlfriend when they were 17.
But getting back to defending the Soprano’s finale and David Chase.
Our minds are so used to things ending in the predictable “Scarface” ending. Everyone wanted and thought there would be a blood bath, including myself.
But the Soprano’s was never about that sort of thing.
It was always intellect before violence and that’s what made it so great to begin with.
Sure I love watching things blow up and I loved watching Phil Leotardo get his head run over by an SUV as much as the next guy.
However, I loved the Sopranos for the million different directions that the show got your mind going towards.
When “Don’t Stop Believing” started playing I was absolutely shocked. I was convinced that the show had truly sold out.
You see, “Don’t Stop Believing” is like “Scarface.”
When I was in college, “Don’t Stop Believing” was enjoying an underground renaissance. It was a forgotten ballad that was once mildly popular but was once again discovered and someone said, “Hey, ya know what? This piece of sh** really isn’t that bad!”
Truth be told, I was on one hell of a Journey kick while I was in college. And I couldn’t be prouder of that fact.
But then I began to realize that everyone around me was on that same kick. And if everybody is drinking the Kool-Aid, well…then the Kool-Aid doesn’t taste as good as it once did now does it?
As outlined in a 2005 Family Guy episode (another great show that’s become too popular for its own good), everybody loves Journey and you don’t really have a pulse if you don’t.
However, “Don’t Stop Believing” is now as pedestrian a song as there is. And to end the greatest show of all time with “Don’t Stop Believing” would imply that the generic Hollywood/Scarface ending was coming.
Only, it didn’t.
David Chase didn’t give us the ending everyone wanted and he didn’t give our ADD society the “closure” it wanted.
When David Chase “blacked-out” the Sopranos, he ultimately took a sh** on mainstream America.
And today, for me anyways, that sh** smells like roses.
Even if he is an egomaniacal, artsy-fartsy d-bag.
........
I would also like to declare that I am still not in full baseball mode quite yet. With my first full “summer” in San Diego now here, I can’t really tell when to start caring about baseball. I mean, it’s been relatively warm for a while now (well, since I moved here) and “NBA basketball” is still being played (by the time you read this, 'The Finals' should mercifully be over with).
With the Yankees being lifeless for the first third of the season, I could have cared less when the Red Sox won or lost.
“It’s too early either way,” I would say way back in May.
But now maybe I’m feeling a bit nostalgic from my days of being a miserable Red Sox fan in 2004 B.C. (Before Championship).
The smelling salt I needed was for the Red Sox to start actually LOSING again. Now, as coincidence would have it, I’m pretty exited for Barry Bonds first Fenway at-bat this Friday night.
Will it be as entertaining as the Fenway faithful donning the infamous “blond masks?” Most likely not. But the thought of some drunk in the stands pulling down his pants on national TV, only to reveal a giant syringe sticking out of his ass, could be just what the doctor ordered.
Bonds in Boston should be, as a young and high Drew Barrymore would say, “magical.”
Comment on this article or find your question in the next mailbag by E-Mailing: SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Mailbag Part Deux
By SG2.0
Thanks to all for the overwhelming mailbag responses these past couple days. With so many questions I had to actually “extend the bag” a couple more days.
I would also like to declare that I am once again answering Celtics-related questions. After approximately 11 days of Lohan-like therapy, we’re prepared to move forward here…at least until the first relapse which I predict will occur
this Saturday when ESPN Classic shows old Celtics clips during its annual NBA Finals marathon.
Until then, let’s see if I can remain sober enough to answer some mail:
Q: As a self-proclaimed band wagon jumper in regards to TV shows, where does “The Sopranos” rank in the all-time annals? After this past Sunday, and with so many unanswered questions heading into the series finale, I’m ready to coronate it.
- Jon, Newburyport, MA
SG2.0: I jumped on the Sopranos wagon WAY too late to call myself a die hard fan. But after watching the ENTIRE series in the past two years via DVD, I am willing to say that I have never felt this way about a TV show before.
In fact, at this point, it is no longer a TV show. It is the greatest movie ever, drawn out over nearly a decade (although the series would sporatically take a year and a half hiatus to piss off viewers/make them crave more, and it worked to perfection).
If you asked me that loaded question a year ago, I would automatically say “Seinfeld” because I am nothing more than a pop culture puppet that is trained to say that. That and “Seinfeld” was friggin' awesome.
Being 25 years old, I am too young to remember M*A*S*H* (although judging by re-runs it seems pretty boring) and I can’t remember too many hit shows in the ‘80s, like Cheers (At the time I had a strange infatuation with the show “Newhart”).
But leaving Larry, Daryl and his other brother Daryl out of this, here is my Top 10 TV Show list, based on what I remember and/or what I wish I could remember:
1. The Sopranos
2. Seinfeld
3. The Rick Pitino Show w/ Bob Lobel
4. WWF Monday Night Raw
5. Saturday Night Live
6. Double Dare w/ host Marc Summers
7. Singled Out w/ Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick
8. Thundercats
9. Family Guy
10. WCW Monday Nitro
Honorable mention: Pee Wee’s Playhouse, WWF Superstars, American Gladiators
Q: On Sunday night, what do you think the over/under was for sophomoric jokes made across the United States regarding the ESPN bottom line scroll that read, “Yankees GM Brian Cashman announces Roger Clemens (FATIGUED GROIN) out for Monday’s game at White Sox?”
- Scott, Carlsbad, CA
SG2.0: I’ll go with an over/under of 1,283,394 and take the over. Apparently his weekend with Debbie went extremely well. Enough so that they are planning to add another “K” to the Clemens Klan in about nine months. If it’s a girl, I heard they’re thinking about going with the name “Kunt.”
Q: We spent the last 6 months thinking that the worse that we could do in the draft was get Durant. I personally think Oden is going to end up more of a Robert Parish type and less of a Tim Duncan. Although it’s a damn shame Oden won't get to wear #0 for the C's (no offense Waltah).
Anyways, I know it doesn't matter now for 99% of us, but if you have this year’s #1 overall, who do you take?
- Jay, Chapel Hill, NC
SG2.0: That’s been the great debate since December, but I think the answer is actually staring us in the face right now. Ironically, we just have to watch the NBA Finals to find out (No I did not get paid off by ABC to write the previous sentence).
Let’s just say, for argument sake, Oden will be the next Duncan. Now let’s say, Durant will be the next LeBron (LeBron’s obviously a better passer, but bear with me).
The old school scenario tells you that great big men ALWAYS win. Guys like Shaq and Duncan win championships.
Guys like Dirk and McGrady don’t.
Barring some miracle performance by LeBron (which at this point ISN’T out of the question), I think you ALWAYS take the big man.
Great big men only come around every 15 years. “The next Michael Jordans” of the world come around every 4-5 years and never truly live up to that champioinship stature.
Unless LeBron can prove me wrong in the next couple of weeks, I think you always take a “risk” with a dominant big man.
And I don’t think Robert Parish had Oden-like moves coming out of Centenary.
Go with Oden.
Q: Jack Kevorkian, the retired pathologist dubbed “Dr. Death,” after claiming he had participated in at least 130 assisted suicides, left prison after eight years Friday, still believing people have the right to die whenever they please.
After the Celtics lottery fiasco, I am sure he will be back in business in San Diego for number 131.
What can Danny Ainge possibly do to prevent the injection?
- Dennis, San Diego
SG2.0: Well considering I’ve had numerous suicide attempts already since the proceedings of 5/22/07, I’ll save Dr. Jack the trip.
I can do it myself, thank you very much.
Nothing that a flight of stairs and a coat-hanger can't cure (sorry, that line really only applies for abortions, but I absolutely LOVE to use it whenever remotely possible).
Anyways, I believe there are only two options right now for Senor Ainge.
Option 1: Give up the farm for either Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O’Neal and see what one of them could do next to Pierce. This isn’t a very good long-term investment, but at this point, I’m willing to give it a go for two or three years in a weak Eastern Conference.
A package of Theo Ratliff's contract, Wally Szczerbiak’s contract, Gerald Green, this year’s No. 5 pick and a future first rounder would be inticing for any team, mostly because of the expiring contracts and a chance to get out from under salary cap hell.
If they ask for Al Jefferson, however, hang up the phone.
Option 2: If you can’t get a blockbuster deal done while keeping Pierce and Jefferson, then I think it’s time to do the dirtiest of deeds.
That would be trading Mr. Pierce.
As great as he has been for the Celtics, keeping him around even longer in this rebuilding atmosphere would guarantee the Celtics to be stuck in mediocrity (once again) for the next two to three years.
This is an extremely deep draft and if you could move Pierce, you could ultimately get several, very good young players in return.
Pair a bunch of talented guys from this draft next to Big Al and Rondo and that’s a group you can grow with.
Having said that, I really and truly hope they can somehow pull off Option #1. Option #2 would put them right back in the lottery for the next few years, and by now we all know how well that slime fest in Secaucus goes for the C’s.
David Stern would give us a non-stop supply of No. 5 and No. 6 overall picks and we would quickly become the Atlanta Hawks (not that we're much worse at this point) ... on second thought, what’s Dr. Jack’s number again?
Q: What is the Great Khali made of?
- Chris, Storrs, CT
SG2.0: Spit, bad vocal chords, backne (back acne) and women’s underwear.
Q: With Bob Barker ready to call it a career, who is your choice to replace the legend?
- Gary, Albany, NY
SG2.0: If they even THINK about giving this gig to Rosie for .2 seconds I will personally dig up the corpse of Rod Roddy and turn him like a rotisserie chicken in front of a large audience of people, just to show everyone that he is, indeed, turning in his grave.
I mean, to have Rosie O'Donnell replace Bob Barker would be the biggest tradgedy in television, if not American, history.
I like my Price Is Right hosts tan, old, having a fabulous golf game, having a voice you could melt butter with and willing to have sex with any woman, at any time.
Rosie doesn’t fit any of those requirements … other than the last one, of course.
In summary, my personal nominees for the position would have to be Michael Buffer, Rob Lowe and Hasselhoff sans hamburger, in no particular order.
Q: Did you happen to see Wade Boggs on Monday Night Raw this past Monday? What the hell was that?
- Ben, Tampa, FL
SG2.0: Not only did I see him (he was wearing a bright orange, Hawaiian shirt), but I noticed three remarkable things:
1. He was absolutely drunk off his ass. His face was beet red and he went so far as to wave both his hands in the air and scream incoherently during a close-up shot of him. That’s an obvious no-no for any celebrity attending a WWF event. They'll milk you to no end.
But he wasn’t just drunk. He was like 80 Miller Lites on a cross-country flight drunk, of which he would know a little something about (Fact: Boggs currently has ‘Chuck Norris/Bill Brasky status on cross-country flight drinking stories).
2. He was wearing his Yankees World Series ring; what a complete fraud.
3. He was with some buxom blonde: Now I know everyone is making a big deal about this A-Rod affair, but Wade Boggs invented this type of stuff. He has to be given some credit in the annals of this type of activity. Ask any Red Sox fan over the age of 30 about “The Margo Fiasco” and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Q: Given A-Rod’s recent infatuation with muscular women, am I the only one that would enjoy watching a five-way involving him, Chyna, Suzyn Waldman, Clemens and Nicole Bass?
Don’t tell me you didn’t think about it! C’mon!
-Sean, Bridgeport, CT
SG2.0: Yup, these were his readers.
To get in on the mailbag or to ask SG2.0 at question: Sportsguy2.0@hotmail.com
By SG2.0
Thanks to all for the overwhelming mailbag responses these past couple days. With so many questions I had to actually “extend the bag” a couple more days.
I would also like to declare that I am once again answering Celtics-related questions. After approximately 11 days of Lohan-like therapy, we’re prepared to move forward here…at least until the first relapse which I predict will occur
this Saturday when ESPN Classic shows old Celtics clips during its annual NBA Finals marathon.
Until then, let’s see if I can remain sober enough to answer some mail:
Q: As a self-proclaimed band wagon jumper in regards to TV shows, where does “The Sopranos” rank in the all-time annals? After this past Sunday, and with so many unanswered questions heading into the series finale, I’m ready to coronate it.
- Jon, Newburyport, MA
SG2.0: I jumped on the Sopranos wagon WAY too late to call myself a die hard fan. But after watching the ENTIRE series in the past two years via DVD, I am willing to say that I have never felt this way about a TV show before.
In fact, at this point, it is no longer a TV show. It is the greatest movie ever, drawn out over nearly a decade (although the series would sporatically take a year and a half hiatus to piss off viewers/make them crave more, and it worked to perfection).
If you asked me that loaded question a year ago, I would automatically say “Seinfeld” because I am nothing more than a pop culture puppet that is trained to say that. That and “Seinfeld” was friggin' awesome.
Being 25 years old, I am too young to remember M*A*S*H* (although judging by re-runs it seems pretty boring) and I can’t remember too many hit shows in the ‘80s, like Cheers (At the time I had a strange infatuation with the show “Newhart”).
But leaving Larry, Daryl and his other brother Daryl out of this, here is my Top 10 TV Show list, based on what I remember and/or what I wish I could remember:
1. The Sopranos
2. Seinfeld
3. The Rick Pitino Show w/ Bob Lobel
4. WWF Monday Night Raw
5. Saturday Night Live
6. Double Dare w/ host Marc Summers
7. Singled Out w/ Jenny McCarthy and Chris Hardwick
8. Thundercats
9. Family Guy
10. WCW Monday Nitro
Honorable mention: Pee Wee’s Playhouse, WWF Superstars, American Gladiators
Q: On Sunday night, what do you think the over/under was for sophomoric jokes made across the United States regarding the ESPN bottom line scroll that read, “Yankees GM Brian Cashman announces Roger Clemens (FATIGUED GROIN) out for Monday’s game at White Sox?”
- Scott, Carlsbad, CA
SG2.0: I’ll go with an over/under of 1,283,394 and take the over. Apparently his weekend with Debbie went extremely well. Enough so that they are planning to add another “K” to the Clemens Klan in about nine months. If it’s a girl, I heard they’re thinking about going with the name “Kunt.”
Q: We spent the last 6 months thinking that the worse that we could do in the draft was get Durant. I personally think Oden is going to end up more of a Robert Parish type and less of a Tim Duncan. Although it’s a damn shame Oden won't get to wear #0 for the C's (no offense Waltah).
Anyways, I know it doesn't matter now for 99% of us, but if you have this year’s #1 overall, who do you take?
- Jay, Chapel Hill, NC
SG2.0: That’s been the great debate since December, but I think the answer is actually staring us in the face right now. Ironically, we just have to watch the NBA Finals to find out (No I did not get paid off by ABC to write the previous sentence).
Let’s just say, for argument sake, Oden will be the next Duncan. Now let’s say, Durant will be the next LeBron (LeBron’s obviously a better passer, but bear with me).
The old school scenario tells you that great big men ALWAYS win. Guys like Shaq and Duncan win championships.
Guys like Dirk and McGrady don’t.
Barring some miracle performance by LeBron (which at this point ISN’T out of the question), I think you ALWAYS take the big man.
Great big men only come around every 15 years. “The next Michael Jordans” of the world come around every 4-5 years and never truly live up to that champioinship stature.
Unless LeBron can prove me wrong in the next couple of weeks, I think you always take a “risk” with a dominant big man.
And I don’t think Robert Parish had Oden-like moves coming out of Centenary.
Go with Oden.
Q: Jack Kevorkian, the retired pathologist dubbed “Dr. Death,” after claiming he had participated in at least 130 assisted suicides, left prison after eight years Friday, still believing people have the right to die whenever they please.
After the Celtics lottery fiasco, I am sure he will be back in business in San Diego for number 131.
What can Danny Ainge possibly do to prevent the injection?
- Dennis, San Diego
SG2.0: Well considering I’ve had numerous suicide attempts already since the proceedings of 5/22/07, I’ll save Dr. Jack the trip.
I can do it myself, thank you very much.
Nothing that a flight of stairs and a coat-hanger can't cure (sorry, that line really only applies for abortions, but I absolutely LOVE to use it whenever remotely possible).
Anyways, I believe there are only two options right now for Senor Ainge.
Option 1: Give up the farm for either Kevin Garnett or Jermaine O’Neal and see what one of them could do next to Pierce. This isn’t a very good long-term investment, but at this point, I’m willing to give it a go for two or three years in a weak Eastern Conference.
A package of Theo Ratliff's contract, Wally Szczerbiak’s contract, Gerald Green, this year’s No. 5 pick and a future first rounder would be inticing for any team, mostly because of the expiring contracts and a chance to get out from under salary cap hell.
If they ask for Al Jefferson, however, hang up the phone.
Option 2: If you can’t get a blockbuster deal done while keeping Pierce and Jefferson, then I think it’s time to do the dirtiest of deeds.
That would be trading Mr. Pierce.
As great as he has been for the Celtics, keeping him around even longer in this rebuilding atmosphere would guarantee the Celtics to be stuck in mediocrity (once again) for the next two to three years.
This is an extremely deep draft and if you could move Pierce, you could ultimately get several, very good young players in return.
Pair a bunch of talented guys from this draft next to Big Al and Rondo and that’s a group you can grow with.
Having said that, I really and truly hope they can somehow pull off Option #1. Option #2 would put them right back in the lottery for the next few years, and by now we all know how well that slime fest in Secaucus goes for the C’s.
David Stern would give us a non-stop supply of No. 5 and No. 6 overall picks and we would quickly become the Atlanta Hawks (not that we're much worse at this point) ... on second thought, what’s Dr. Jack’s number again?
Q: What is the Great Khali made of?
- Chris, Storrs, CT
SG2.0: Spit, bad vocal chords, backne (back acne) and women’s underwear.
Q: With Bob Barker ready to call it a career, who is your choice to replace the legend?
- Gary, Albany, NY
SG2.0: If they even THINK about giving this gig to Rosie for .2 seconds I will personally dig up the corpse of Rod Roddy and turn him like a rotisserie chicken in front of a large audience of people, just to show everyone that he is, indeed, turning in his grave.
I mean, to have Rosie O'Donnell replace Bob Barker would be the biggest tradgedy in television, if not American, history.
I like my Price Is Right hosts tan, old, having a fabulous golf game, having a voice you could melt butter with and willing to have sex with any woman, at any time.
Rosie doesn’t fit any of those requirements … other than the last one, of course.
In summary, my personal nominees for the position would have to be Michael Buffer, Rob Lowe and Hasselhoff sans hamburger, in no particular order.
Q: Did you happen to see Wade Boggs on Monday Night Raw this past Monday? What the hell was that?
- Ben, Tampa, FL
SG2.0: Not only did I see him (he was wearing a bright orange, Hawaiian shirt), but I noticed three remarkable things:
1. He was absolutely drunk off his ass. His face was beet red and he went so far as to wave both his hands in the air and scream incoherently during a close-up shot of him. That’s an obvious no-no for any celebrity attending a WWF event. They'll milk you to no end.
But he wasn’t just drunk. He was like 80 Miller Lites on a cross-country flight drunk, of which he would know a little something about (Fact: Boggs currently has ‘Chuck Norris/Bill Brasky status on cross-country flight drinking stories).
2. He was wearing his Yankees World Series ring; what a complete fraud.
3. He was with some buxom blonde: Now I know everyone is making a big deal about this A-Rod affair, but Wade Boggs invented this type of stuff. He has to be given some credit in the annals of this type of activity. Ask any Red Sox fan over the age of 30 about “The Margo Fiasco” and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
Q: Given A-Rod’s recent infatuation with muscular women, am I the only one that would enjoy watching a five-way involving him, Chyna, Suzyn Waldman, Clemens and Nicole Bass?
Don’t tell me you didn’t think about it! C’mon!
-Sean, Bridgeport, CT
SG2.0: Yup, these were his readers.
To get in on the mailbag or to ask SG2.0 at question: Sportsguy2.0@hotmail.com
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Yes, I'm still alive...barely
By SG2.0
It has taken me a full week, but I am now able to voice some opinions on what happened the night professional basketball died for all intents and purposes. However I will save my depressing thoughts on where we should go from here until the end of the mailbag, which will be appearing tomorrow.
Until then, feel free to drink yet another liter of Pinesol and then and only then, will we attempt to move on with our lives in an orderly manner.
Thank you.
Q: I am a John Cena fan AND a wrestling historian not unlike you. How long does he have to be a champion and who does he have to beat to become (@ minimum) the Champion to lead the WWE(F) back to its upswing as you have put so eloquently.
I like the HBK/Cena angle. It started with the tag title and has grown into a great rivalry. He's taken all that HBK has and retained his title and beat HBK in a Pride match. As much as I still blame (in my head) HBK because he DID get the Title from Brett Hart (mouth throwup), he is still an ICON (PIPER) and Cena deserves credit. The real test (no pun) will be when he face HHH when he comes back, they have not feuded yet, and that should be classic with HHH being a team player at least once. The great Khali reminds me of old school Andre' T. Giant. Unstoppable. This will be a good test as well.
He'd sh** on the "Mountie!" AND Rick Martel in a handicap match. You need to admit this.
- Robert from Haverhill, Mass.
SG2.0: First of all, I am most certainly NOT a John Cena fan and what they are doing to poor Shawn Michaels' legacy right now is an embarrassment to the sacred sport of wrestling itself.
Second of all, you're a mark.
Q: With the Yankees pathetic start to the season and the Red Sox getting off to their best start possibly ever, are you ready to order a Division Champs T-shirt?
- Brett in San Diego, CA
SG2.0: I would never even contemplate buying a "Division Champs" t-shirt. I mean these are the Boston Red Sox we're talking about here. We don't celebrate division titles.
Wait, "John H. on Yawkey Way?" are you writing me E-Mail's again?! You pasty bastard, you. Awww, I could kiss you. Come 'ere ya big goof!
Q: Did you hear that Dunkin' Donuts chairman Jon L. Luther proposed to the organization's board of directors a plan that would place roughly 300-400 Dunkin' Donuts establishments throughout Southern California? ... Actually, that's a bold-faced lie, I just wanted to see if I could drive you closer to the edge. Until later SG2.0; I'll be here eating a sausage, egg and cheese on an everything bagel, washing it down with an XL Iced Coffee. Ta-Ta!
- Seth from Worcester, MA
SG2.0: Well Seth, you'll have to excuse me while I scour yellowpages.com in search of every, single "Seth" within a 20-mile radius of Worcester. You can expect a package within the next 3-4 days with an FW from Ted Kaczynski.
Thanks.
Q: How do you think Paul Pierce ranks as an all-time Celtic?
I know he's got the numbers, but back in the 80-early 90's (I consider the true end of the Celtics Dynasty to be when Tommy stopped saying "2 Zips and 3 Zaps"), Pierce to me would be Kevin Gamble.
In your opinion, who’s the 5th member of the all-time C's Team in your opinion?
C-Russell
PF- Cowens
SF-Bird
SG- ?
PG-Cousy
Do you put in DJ or Havlicek at one of the guard spots?
Do you take out Cowens because he's a Center and throw in McHale? (Cowens is NBA-PF height now)
Does Ainge even make the team?
- Jay in Chapel Hill, North Carolina
SG2.0: (***Editors Note: This answer was written prior to the tragic events of 5/22/07. In no way, shape or form, would the author even contemplate answering this lengthy question now, for it would be far too painful. The Boston Celtics are dead and frankly, a large piece of SG2.0 died as well that infamous day***)
I think you certainly put the “high” in “highly” overrating Kevin Gamble, although I do admit his name is a boatload of fun to drop every now and then on people who aren't expecting it.
Like if you're walking down the street and you see someone looking at a menu in a restaurant window, you could say, "Ya, I hear the 'Kevin Gamble' here is really good. You really should try it," and then slowly walk away while staring them in the eye.
With that said, however, Kevin Gamble never even averaged more than 16 points per game, whereas Pierce did that in his rookie year.
However, does Pierce crack the C’s all-time starting five? No F’n way.
He has never truly ran wild in a major Playoff game (I don’t consider him going off on an Isiah Thomas-coached Pacers squad in 2003 much of an accomplishment) whereas most of the all-time Celts have more rings than Pierce has playoff series victories.
And that fraudulent 2002 run I credit more to Walker and an embarrassment of an Eastern Conference than Pierce simply torching teams offensively.
Havlicek meanwhile, might be the most unappreciated NBA player of all-time. He is the all-time leading scorer in the history of the greatest NBA franchise. Does that give him a slot in the starting five? Without a doubt:
C- Russell
PF – McHale
SF – Bird
SG – Havlicek
PG – Cousy
And as sad as it is for me to admit, Danny is kind of the black sheep of that 1986 starting five. Parish, McHale, Bird and DJ are in or definitely should be in the Hall of Fame (HOF). Unfortunately, our favorite Baby-faced assassin won’t sniff the HOF unless he goes into the executive wing in 2027 after his giant free agent acquisition of Chauncey Billups and the drafting of one Greg Oden in the summer of 2007 … Or if he bites David Stern, Tree Rollins-style, after the 2007 Draft Lottery.
So, to begin with the all-time squad, I think you have to only take Hall of Fame players or would be Hall of Fame players into account. Here’s my 12-man squad:
Starters:
C- Russell
PF – McHale
SF – Bird
SG – Havlicek
PG – Cousy
Bench:
C – Robert Parish
C/PF – Dave Cowens
SF – Tommy Heinsohn
SG-SF – Paul Pierce
SG – Sam Jones
PG – Nate Archibald
PG – Dennis Johnson
Apologies are in order for Hall of Famers Dominique Wilkins and Bill Walton, but I don’t really think of them as true Celtics. Sorry Bill, I'm sure you could make a 34,343,214,324 minute argument of why you should be on this squad.
(Editor's Note: Part II of the Mailbag will appear tomorrow, any late Mailbag submissions will be strongly considered. E-Mail is: SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com)
By SG2.0
It has taken me a full week, but I am now able to voice some opinions on what happened the night professional basketball died for all intents and purposes. However I will save my depressing thoughts on where we should go from here until the end of the mailbag, which will be appearing tomorrow.
Until then, feel free to drink yet another liter of Pinesol and then and only then, will we attempt to move on with our lives in an orderly manner.
Thank you.
Q: I am a John Cena fan AND a wrestling historian not unlike you. How long does he have to be a champion and who does he have to beat to become (@ minimum) the Champion to lead the WWE(F) back to its upswing as you have put so eloquently.
I like the HBK/Cena angle. It started with the tag title and has grown into a great rivalry. He's taken all that HBK has and retained his title and beat HBK in a Pride match. As much as I still blame (in my head) HBK because he DID get the Title from Brett Hart (mouth throwup), he is still an ICON (PIPER) and Cena deserves credit. The real test (no pun) will be when he face HHH when he comes back, they have not feuded yet, and that should be classic with HHH being a team player at least once. The great Khali reminds me of old school Andre' T. Giant. Unstoppable. This will be a good test as well.
He'd sh** on the "Mountie!" AND Rick Martel in a handicap match. You need to admit this.
- Robert from Haverhill, Mass.
SG2.0: First of all, I am most certainly NOT a John Cena fan and what they are doing to poor Shawn Michaels' legacy right now is an embarrassment to the sacred sport of wrestling itself.
Second of all, you're a mark.
Q: With the Yankees pathetic start to the season and the Red Sox getting off to their best start possibly ever, are you ready to order a Division Champs T-shirt?
- Brett in San Diego, CA
SG2.0: I would never even contemplate buying a "Division Champs" t-shirt. I mean these are the Boston Red Sox we're talking about here. We don't celebrate division titles.
Wait, "John H. on Yawkey Way?" are you writing me E-Mail's again?! You pasty bastard, you. Awww, I could kiss you. Come 'ere ya big goof!
Q: Did you hear that Dunkin' Donuts chairman Jon L. Luther proposed to the organization's board of directors a plan that would place roughly 300-400 Dunkin' Donuts establishments throughout Southern California? ... Actually, that's a bold-faced lie, I just wanted to see if I could drive you closer to the edge. Until later SG2.0; I'll be here eating a sausage, egg and cheese on an everything bagel, washing it down with an XL Iced Coffee. Ta-Ta!
- Seth from Worcester, MA
SG2.0: Well Seth, you'll have to excuse me while I scour yellowpages.com in search of every, single "Seth" within a 20-mile radius of Worcester. You can expect a package within the next 3-4 days with an FW from Ted Kaczynski.
Thanks.
Q: How do you think Paul Pierce ranks as an all-time Celtic?
I know he's got the numbers, but back in the 80-early 90's (I consider the true end of the Celtics Dynasty to be when Tommy stopped saying "2 Zips and 3 Zaps"), Pierce to me would be Kevin Gamble.
In your opinion, who’s the 5th member of the all-time C's Team in your opinion?
C-Russell
PF- Cowens
SF-Bird
SG- ?
PG-Cousy
Do you put in DJ or Havlicek at one of the guard spots?
Do you take out Cowens because he's a Center and throw in McHale? (Cowens is NBA-PF height now)
Does Ainge even make the team?
- Jay in Chapel Hill, North Carolina
SG2.0: (***Editors Note: This answer was written prior to the tragic events of 5/22/07. In no way, shape or form, would the author even contemplate answering this lengthy question now, for it would be far too painful. The Boston Celtics are dead and frankly, a large piece of SG2.0 died as well that infamous day***)
I think you certainly put the “high” in “highly” overrating Kevin Gamble, although I do admit his name is a boatload of fun to drop every now and then on people who aren't expecting it.
Like if you're walking down the street and you see someone looking at a menu in a restaurant window, you could say, "Ya, I hear the 'Kevin Gamble' here is really good. You really should try it," and then slowly walk away while staring them in the eye.
With that said, however, Kevin Gamble never even averaged more than 16 points per game, whereas Pierce did that in his rookie year.
However, does Pierce crack the C’s all-time starting five? No F’n way.
He has never truly ran wild in a major Playoff game (I don’t consider him going off on an Isiah Thomas-coached Pacers squad in 2003 much of an accomplishment) whereas most of the all-time Celts have more rings than Pierce has playoff series victories.
And that fraudulent 2002 run I credit more to Walker and an embarrassment of an Eastern Conference than Pierce simply torching teams offensively.
Havlicek meanwhile, might be the most unappreciated NBA player of all-time. He is the all-time leading scorer in the history of the greatest NBA franchise. Does that give him a slot in the starting five? Without a doubt:
C- Russell
PF – McHale
SF – Bird
SG – Havlicek
PG – Cousy
And as sad as it is for me to admit, Danny is kind of the black sheep of that 1986 starting five. Parish, McHale, Bird and DJ are in or definitely should be in the Hall of Fame (HOF). Unfortunately, our favorite Baby-faced assassin won’t sniff the HOF unless he goes into the executive wing in 2027 after his giant free agent acquisition of Chauncey Billups and the drafting of one Greg Oden in the summer of 2007 … Or if he bites David Stern, Tree Rollins-style, after the 2007 Draft Lottery.
So, to begin with the all-time squad, I think you have to only take Hall of Fame players or would be Hall of Fame players into account. Here’s my 12-man squad:
Starters:
C- Russell
PF – McHale
SF – Bird
SG – Havlicek
PG – Cousy
Bench:
C – Robert Parish
C/PF – Dave Cowens
SF – Tommy Heinsohn
SG-SF – Paul Pierce
SG – Sam Jones
PG – Nate Archibald
PG – Dennis Johnson
Apologies are in order for Hall of Famers Dominique Wilkins and Bill Walton, but I don’t really think of them as true Celtics. Sorry Bill, I'm sure you could make a 34,343,214,324 minute argument of why you should be on this squad.
(Editor's Note: Part II of the Mailbag will appear tomorrow, any late Mailbag submissions will be strongly considered. E-Mail is: SportsGuy2.0@hotmail.com)
Labels: Mailbag
Monday, May 21, 2007
It’s Not About Sports…It’s about the Celtics
By SG2.0
Tuesday night, a ping pong ball will determine whether or not I go into deep depression.
I agree that saying such things is not healthy and that I may make A.J. Soprano look like a happy-go-lucky lad by comparison.
But to think, a plastic ball bouncing the wrong way, or the right way, will have a direct effect on the next 10 years of my life.
When you care about something so deeply, it is no longer a sport. Right now, the Celtics measly 38.7 percent chance at landing a top two pick is driving me insane and consuming my life.
I will likely never meet David Stern, but if, per chance, that were to happen one day, I would have no qualms about clobbering him in the face, Parish on Laimbeer-style, followed by me promptly strapping Bret Hart’s sharp-shooter on him … simply due to the way I feel at this very moment.
I’m sure fans of the San Antonio Spurs, Utah Jazz, Cleveland Cavs and Detroit Pistons have knots in the stomachs right now. Afterall, their teams are just a few wins away from hoisting the Larry O’Brien Trophy.
But Tuesday night at approximately 8:32 p.m. ET, their nerves will pale in comparison to mine. Tuesday night is my NBA Playoffs, my Super Bowl, my World Series, all wrapped into a matter of minutes.
Tuesday night is 10 years worth of rooting, crying, drinking, screaming and cursing.
And it’s all so wrong.
In my mind, the Curse of the Bambino is now a fairy tale from long, long ago. It is ancient news and the franchise that once owned that miserable title is now more obsessed with selling pink hats to 22-year-old girls and opening up bars that sell $8.50 draft beers instead of focusing on the game itself.
Nonetheless, that franchise is extremely relevant in the world of sports.
This is all so unfair.
Boston’s newest curse is 100%, Grade A, real-life crap. It is the drama that Shakespeare never conceived.
It is a curse mired in cocaine, ghosts of past glory and above all else, bad management.
The Curse of Len Bias is the one that took down an athletic Roman Empire.
Given the number of years it took them to win 16 World Championships, the Boston Celtics are the greatest franchise in the history of American sport.
I, a self-proclaimed Celtics fan first and foremost, am 25 years old.
I was raised to think the Celtics would always win, even though when I first started paying attention, Larry Bird’s back was crumbling just as quick as the franchise itself.
John Bagley, Dino Radja, Dee Brown, Brian Shaw, Reggie Lewis, Xavier McDaniel, Eric Montross, Acie Earl, Sherman Douglas, Pervis Ellison, Dominique Wilkins, Antoine Walker, Ron Mercer, Travis Knight, Eric Williams, Bruce Bowen, Tony Battie and Paul Pierce were my guys.
But they were, however, no match for The Curse of Len Bias.
My first sports memory was watching Roger Clemens don eye black and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shoelaces against the Oakland Athletics in 1990.
My second memory was watching the Detroit Pistons beat the Celtics four games to two in the 1991 Playoffs and crying.
My third involved an injured Larry Bird hitting an off-balance three pointer, that in actuality should have been called a two, with seconds remaining against the Portland Trail Blazers in 1992.
My fourth involved me skipping an important minor league baseball game to watch Bird smash his head against the Parquet floor, only to return and destroy the Chuck Person-led Pacers as a pre-sexually deviant Marv Albert screamed over the NBC airwaves in exuberance.
Unfortunately, I would not have any confidence about the Celtics again until 1997, when a used car salesman that had more charisma than a supposed offspring of a John Fitzgerald Kennedy and a Julius Caesar made everyone believe the curse was nonsense and that he could restore the Empire to its former glory.
His name was Richard Anthony Pitino IV (The middle name and Roman numerals are used for dramatic effect and to protect the innocent).
This new emperor (and yes, I believe he actually thought of himself as an emperor after the way he stole the “President” title away from the franchise’s patriarch) even peddled books to his plebians.
I was a Pitino plebian.
The New York Times’ best seller, “Success is a Choice” made you believe you could jump off the Tobin Bridge and survive.
It was manipulative and I enjoyed every single page of it.
It was my gospel, my saving grace.
But 10 years later, come to find out, success is not a choice.
Success is luck. And success is only granted to those with the right ping pong ball.
San Antonio had the right ping pong ball that day in 1997. A decade later, they have three World Championships.
A decade later, the Celtics do not matter.
My dad, who taught me to believe in the Celtics, couldn’t rattle off the C’s starting five from this past year if his life depended on it.
It’s all Patriots, all the time for him and thousands of other middle aged guys from Massachusetts.
Whenever I speak with someone from Boston in that age range, it’s always, “man those days were fun,” or “It’s a shame we won’t see that again” when talking about the Celtics.
I can tell they are kind of afraid to admit that they don’t know much about the C’s anymore. But then again, they are older and wiser and know when and when not to care.
I am nieve.
I am hungry.
I want my own “old days.”
I believe basketball is the greatest sport on the planet when it is played the right way. I believe those days could return and I could now actually appreciate them.
The Boston Celtics deserve to be on top once again.
The Boston Celtics deserve to be relevant once again.
The Boston Celtics deserve to own the City of Boston once again.
Tuesday night will determine whether or not this dream comes true.
As I sit here drinking a warm Miller Lite and listening to “I Ain’t Missing You at All” by the immortal John Waite, I can envision a day when I tell my son about the greatest franchise in the history of American sport.
I can envision talking about how the Curse of Len Bias was broken.
I can envision talking about May 22, 2007 and how everything was reversed with the bounce of a ping pong ball.
“I was a nervous wreck that night, kid … But it wasn’t about something as meaningless as sports … It was about the Celtics.”
By SG2.0
Tuesday night, a ping pong ball will determine whether or not I go into deep depression.
I agree that saying such things is not healthy and that I may make A.J. Soprano look like a happy-go-lucky lad by comparison.
But to think, a plastic ball bouncing the wrong way, or the right way, will have a direct effect on the next 10 years of my life.
When you care about something so deeply, it is no longer a sport. Right now, the Celtics measly 38.7 percent chance at landing a top two pick is driving me insane and consuming my life.
I will likely never meet David Stern, but if, per chance, that were to happen one day, I would have no qualms about clobbering him in the face, Parish on Laimbeer-style, followed by me promptly strapping Bret Hart’s sharp-shooter on him … simply due to the way I feel at this very moment.
I’m sure fans of the San Antonio Spurs, Utah Jazz, Cleveland Cavs and Detroit Pistons have knots in the stomachs right now. Afterall, their teams are just a few wins away from hoisting the Larry O’Brien Trophy.
But Tuesday night at approximately 8:32 p.m. ET, their nerves will pale in comparison to mine. Tuesday night is my NBA Playoffs, my Super Bowl, my World Series, all wrapped into a matter of minutes.
Tuesday night is 10 years worth of rooting, crying, drinking, screaming and cursing.
And it’s all so wrong.
In my mind, the Curse of the Bambino is now a fairy tale from long, long ago. It is ancient news and the franchise that once owned that miserable title is now more obsessed with selling pink hats to 22-year-old girls and opening up bars that sell $8.50 draft beers instead of focusing on the game itself.
Nonetheless, that franchise is extremely relevant in the world of sports.
This is all so unfair.
Boston’s newest curse is 100%, Grade A, real-life crap. It is the drama that Shakespeare never conceived.
It is a curse mired in cocaine, ghosts of past glory and above all else, bad management.
The Curse of Len Bias is the one that took down an athletic Roman Empire.
Given the number of years it took them to win 16 World Championships, the Boston Celtics are the greatest franchise in the history of American sport.
I, a self-proclaimed Celtics fan first and foremost, am 25 years old.
I was raised to think the Celtics would always win, even though when I first started paying attention, Larry Bird’s back was crumbling just as quick as the franchise itself.
John Bagley, Dino Radja, Dee Brown, Brian Shaw, Reggie Lewis, Xavier McDaniel, Eric Montross, Acie Earl, Sherman Douglas, Pervis Ellison, Dominique Wilkins, Antoine Walker, Ron Mercer, Travis Knight, Eric Williams, Bruce Bowen, Tony Battie and Paul Pierce were my guys.
But they were, however, no match for The Curse of Len Bias.
My first sports memory was watching Roger Clemens don eye black and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shoelaces against the Oakland Athletics in 1990.
My second memory was watching the Detroit Pistons beat the Celtics four games to two in the 1991 Playoffs and crying.
My third involved an injured Larry Bird hitting an off-balance three pointer, that in actuality should have been called a two, with seconds remaining against the Portland Trail Blazers in 1992.
My fourth involved me skipping an important minor league baseball game to watch Bird smash his head against the Parquet floor, only to return and destroy the Chuck Person-led Pacers as a pre-sexually deviant Marv Albert screamed over the NBC airwaves in exuberance.
Unfortunately, I would not have any confidence about the Celtics again until 1997, when a used car salesman that had more charisma than a supposed offspring of a John Fitzgerald Kennedy and a Julius Caesar made everyone believe the curse was nonsense and that he could restore the Empire to its former glory.
His name was Richard Anthony Pitino IV (The middle name and Roman numerals are used for dramatic effect and to protect the innocent).
This new emperor (and yes, I believe he actually thought of himself as an emperor after the way he stole the “President” title away from the franchise’s patriarch) even peddled books to his plebians.
I was a Pitino plebian.
The New York Times’ best seller, “Success is a Choice” made you believe you could jump off the Tobin Bridge and survive.
It was manipulative and I enjoyed every single page of it.
It was my gospel, my saving grace.
But 10 years later, come to find out, success is not a choice.
Success is luck. And success is only granted to those with the right ping pong ball.
San Antonio had the right ping pong ball that day in 1997. A decade later, they have three World Championships.
A decade later, the Celtics do not matter.
My dad, who taught me to believe in the Celtics, couldn’t rattle off the C’s starting five from this past year if his life depended on it.
It’s all Patriots, all the time for him and thousands of other middle aged guys from Massachusetts.
Whenever I speak with someone from Boston in that age range, it’s always, “man those days were fun,” or “It’s a shame we won’t see that again” when talking about the Celtics.
I can tell they are kind of afraid to admit that they don’t know much about the C’s anymore. But then again, they are older and wiser and know when and when not to care.
I am nieve.
I am hungry.
I want my own “old days.”
I believe basketball is the greatest sport on the planet when it is played the right way. I believe those days could return and I could now actually appreciate them.
The Boston Celtics deserve to be on top once again.
The Boston Celtics deserve to be relevant once again.
The Boston Celtics deserve to own the City of Boston once again.
Tuesday night will determine whether or not this dream comes true.
As I sit here drinking a warm Miller Lite and listening to “I Ain’t Missing You at All” by the immortal John Waite, I can envision a day when I tell my son about the greatest franchise in the history of American sport.
I can envision talking about how the Curse of Len Bias was broken.
I can envision talking about May 22, 2007 and how everything was reversed with the bounce of a ping pong ball.
“I was a nervous wreck that night, kid … But it wasn’t about something as meaningless as sports … It was about the Celtics.”
